Delinquency
by Lizzy322
Summary: Delinquency runs in the family. Dipper and Mabel's parents are sent to jail, and the twins have no other choice but to remain with the only relatives they have: two estranged Grunkles. One is a professional conman, and the other is a kooky scientist. Dipper and Mabel dislike their new home, and there's only one goal they have in mind: set their parents free.


A/N: A new series? A new series!

Yup, I needed a more lighter change of pace. Unsure of updating schedule, but I've already got the next chapter typed up, so shouldn't be too long. c:

Dipper and Mabel are the twin children of two parents with not-so-clean records. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and the twins have picked up the habits, raised on shady morals, and prove to be nearly unstoppable. When they get shipped to their mysterious great-uncles in some far-off place called Gravity Falls, they realize they'll need to depend on each other more than ever, and that it's up to them to set their parents free and put these shifty Grunkles where they belong: behind bars.

This is not meant to be regarded as any sort of Pinecest, get your head out of the gutter.

* * *

Trees.

It was what stretched on for miles, rows and rows and rows of deep green pine trees. It almost felt like a rolling ocean, with scraggly branches and pine needles in place of water. The sky was a brilliant mix of orange and red, the sunset lowering itself in the horizon, as if immersing itself into the sea made of a forest.

Dipper would've preferred the sea. He'd only been in the water once, on a huge fishing boat borrowed-without-permission from some old sailor. It had been the only source of getaway, and Dipper could still recall the salty sting of seawater on his face, the lapping waves along the side of the rusty ship, the soft bobbing of the vessel as his parents steered them to different land. He'd been only seven, but the memory still felt fresh.

Of course, he wasn't in the sea now. Instead of the comfortable bobbing of a boat in the water, there was the rough jostling of a cheap bus, sputtering and rolling down a winding path surrounded by woods on either side. It was new territory altogether, since he was used to big cities or small towns or places civilized. Far more civilized.

The only advantage these woods held was maybe better cover, but that was about it.

He wouldn't have expected himself in the woods anyway, not without his parents orchestrating the entire trip. But they weren't. They were in jail, behind bars, confined to cement walls and stifling security. He would've deemed the entire occurence terrible on his end, but he wasn't alone. Not quite.

Mabel, his perfect partner in crime, sat directly beside him. She was seated at the window, gazing out amongst the unchanging picture of trees. So many goddamn trees. She didn't seem as bothered by the fact as he was-she had always been the one to adore the new places and sights the family ran into-but from the tension in her face, the smallest pout on her lips, she was unhappy.

Of course, they had each other. They never left one another's side. They were, as their father put it, like peanut butter and jelly. They worked best together, and meeting one without the other felt like something was missing. They were often regarded as partners in crime quite fondly on some occasions. And Dipper was grateful, at least, that he still had his sister by his side.

They were twins. It wasn't natural for them to be split apart.

But that was the only familiarilty the two had. Each other. Because the entire place around them, the very bus they were seated in, even the shiny duffels that held their meager belongings, were completely new.

They definitely hadn't chosen to go this route.

It was only when Dipper had run up to his parents' lawyer, the skinny man with lanky legs and arms, in that suit that was two sizes too small, with a jutting nose and pointy elbows and fast blinking eyes. Mabel had nicknamed him Flamingo-Man, because he just reminded her of the pink bird.

"Did we win?" Dipper had queried, but Flamingo-Man had blinked rapidly at the boy twin, his mouth turned down in a frown.

"Not necessarily." Flamingo-Man had packed his briefcase of documents, the papers fluttering in the outside wind, directly outside the courthouse. Dipper and Mabel hadn't been allowed inside for the court, per their parents' requests. Dipper had found that bad from the start; and even when he asked the question, the trepidation rising within him made him brace himself for a bad answer.

"They're going to jail." Dipper wasn't one for beating around the bush. He was as blunt as they came. "Mom and Dad are going to jail."

Flamingo-Man had looked pained, as if Dipper finding out was the last thing he expected. But he didn't deny the fact, and after a minute, he had nodded towards the boy. "...yes. They are."

"Mabel's not gonna be happy." Dipper had peeked back at his twin, who was content under the shade of an oak tree, making wreaths out of the dandelions that dotted the grass. "...she's gonna hate that."

"Well, perhaps you musn't tell her until it's properly announced." Flamino-Man had looked skittish as usual, somewhat pacing in place.

"I'm not gonna keep a secret from her," Dipper had bitterly countered. "We never keep secrets from each other. I'm telling her. So is there anything else I oughta know?"

"...obviously, you can't live by yourselves. You and your sister, being twelve years old, are minors." Flamingo-Man had lifted a leg in usual nervous manner, the very action that had fully developed his nickname. "So we've discovered your two great-uncles. They live in a small town down in Oregon, called Gravity Falls. You'll be living with them until your parents' sentence is up."

"And how long will that be?" Dipper had pushed down the panic welling up inside him, the mere idea of being shoved into a relative's home nervewracking.

"We don't know," Flamingo-Man had confessed. "Your parents have many crimes to their names. But for the time being, I'm estimating...fifteen years at this point."

Fifteen years! Fifteen whole years their parents were to be locked away. Dipper felt angry just thinking about it, balling his hands into fists, and sparing a quick glance at his sister. Mabel was still looking out the window, her eyes half-lidded, as if on the verge of sleep. Judging by the tear tracks down her cheeks, she still wasn't taking the news well.

Fifteen years. Why, they'd be twenty-seven by the time their parents were out. Old enough to have jobs. Graduated from high school, maybe even college. Twenty seven.

That's old, Dipper marveled. He couldn't even begin to think that far in the future. He had idly thought about college and his future before, but the subject wasn't nearly as important as creating a plan for his parent's next heist, or brainstorming new ideas of entertainment, or cracking a code on the computer for, again, his parents.

Oh, his parents! How was it in prison anyway? He wondered if they'd been separated. Women and men didn't share the same prison, did they? Let alone the same cell. He felt the anger rise up in the pit of his stomach, filling his chest, buzzing through him with sparking energy. Of course the police wouldn't let his parents be together. They were masterminds when combined.

Just like him and Mabel. The two of them combining forces would unleash hell upon whoever they wanted. But he was glad he had never revealed that tidbit, had kept him and Mabel silent and willing and obedient throughout the whole ordeal. Who knew, maybe they would've separated him and Mabel too.

He felt the familiar fear, the panic of ever losing Mabel. If he ever lost connection, was cut ties from her forever, he wouldn't bear it. Automatically, his hand reached out, grasping around hers, his fingers intertwining with hers. She startled at first, her eyes snapping wide open, before she registered the action and squeezed his hand back.

"...a lot of trees," Dipper commented, watching her slowly blink the sleep from her eyes. "...sorry I woke you."

"S'okay." Mabel yawned, her bright green earrings dangling at the movement. She rubbed an eye before shifting to face him, a small smile forming on her face. "Did you sleep?"

"No." Dipper didn't elaborate. He hadn't slept very much since they were dropped on the bus and sent to their mysterious uncles. He'd been musing over the possibilites, once or twice even considered just escaping to some secluded city and living the rest of his days with Mabel beside him, but a majority of his thoughts led to his parents, the uncles, the future lying ahead of them. One of the first times the impending future had such an impact on his mind, and he didn't like it one bit.

"I dreamt about Mom and Dad." Mabel glanced at the window, her eyes turned towards the wispy clouds striking across a darkening sky. "Remember that trip to Hawaii? How Dad stole that man's money right under his nose?"

Dipper snickered a bit at the thought, the memory of his father distracting the man and pickpocketing him in a flash still hilarious. It had taken the twins' best resolve not to bust out laughing during the entire spectacle. "Yeah. Dad's great at that."

"He is." Mabel paused, the silence finally more comfortable and less tense. Their duffels rattled against the floor, as the bus took a sharp turn and began heading on a downwards slope.

The twins sat, hands linked, their attention on their surroundings. The woods thinned slightly, the path becoming more prominent. A wooden sign came into view, and Mabel twisted her head a bit to read it as they whizzed past.

"Gravity Falls," she read, before turning back to her brother. "This is it."

Dipper nodded his understanding, watching as powerlines began to grace the sides of the road. The approaching darkness of night was making the trees less noticeable, which Dipper didn't mind. He hated those trees.

"How do you think they'll be?" Mabel wondered aloud, her hands gripping Dipper's tighter.

"Who?" Dipper feigned ignorance.

"Our great-uncles." Mabel paused, contemplative. "Mom and Dad never mentioned them. Ever. I wonder why."

"Maybe our great-uncles are dumb," Dipper offered. "Remember what Dad always said about our grandpa? That Shermie was nothing but a square." Dipper let his voice deepen, a slight gruffness added in to match his father's tone. "Maybe our great-uncles are squares too."

"I hope not." Mabel sat back in her seat, the worry only seeming to become more apparent on her expression. "I want them human-shaped. I don't wanna be taken care of by square people."

The bus began to slow, brakes screeching enough to make both twins wince, putting their heads together and covering their ears with their hands still linked. "Gravity Falls! Anyone for stop of Gravity Falls!" The busdriver announced, his voice nearly feeling sinister.

Dipper half-wished he could stay on the bus forever. He would've been content sitting in that bus seat with Mabel, pick pocketing for a living and traveling the world. But he was sick of driving past trees and knew that, unlike him, Mabel was actually a bit eager to find out what laid before them. She wasn't very happy, but she was curious. When Mabel was curious, she was ready to set out to find out what she wanted.

Dipper stood and shouldered his duffel, letting Mabel grab hers before leading the both of them down the bus aisle. They'd heard the instructions: stand by the stop and wait for their great-uncles. Which was somewhat silly, being they had never seen the men before.

A few people shared the same stop, and they stepped out of the bus alongside the twins. Dipper pulled Mabel to a bench nearby, seating her on it before slipping in beside her. The two swung their legs as the bus closed its doors, signaling its exit before it drove forward and off into the distance.

A crowd was gathered, awaiting multiple buses, and Dipper saw the people laid down with suitcases and purses and shopping bags, engrossed in phones or books or even just the scenery. Judging by everyone holding travel gear, their great-uncles weren't here yet.

"Who do we look for?" Mabel finally asked, following Dipper's gaze around the crowd.

"Anyone without a suitcase or bag," Dipper informed, peering at every person to make sure. "...and maybe anyone square-shaped."

"M'hungry," Mabel intoned. "Did we bring the chocolate?"

"Nope." Dipper knew for a fact those chocolate bars were still under his pillow at home, probably destined to be there for far too long a time. "But I know I've got something."

He lifted his duffel into his lap, withdrawing two bananas. He passed one to Mabel before closing his duffel and peeling his own. The twins silently ate, casting meaningful glances towards one another and keeping a watch out for their relatives.

The darker it got, the harder it felt to recognize anybody. Dipper suggested looking for someone who resembled their father, while Mabel suggested maybe they could look like their mother. Dipper stated maybe one looked like their father, and the other looked like their mother. Mabel stated she was cold.

Eventually, the last person boarded a bus right as the sun set, the final blinking lights of the vehicle disappearing in the distance. Mabel shivered, drawing in her arms so her fluffy sweater sleeves swung like limp tentacles. "...they're late."

"Or maybe we're at the wrong place." Dipper wondered if he should've written down what the lawyer said. He wasn't one to be forgetful...that was more Mabel's forte...but he had his mistakes.

"Can't be. Flamingo-Man said Gravity Falls." Mabel pulled her sweater collar over her mouth, successfully reverting to Sweater Town. "I want Mom and Dad."

Dipper was ready to agree, to possibly suggest a way to leave. He knew the town could be within walking distance, since buses were done for the day. He and Mabel had fended for themselves before.

But before he could get a word out, he caught the sleek black car coming down the road.

Wordlessly, he reached out and placed a hand on Mabel's shoulder. His twin took the sign and raised her head, blowing a few strands out of her face.

"It's a car," Dipper said.

"A mysterious car!" Mabel crowed, her hands popping out of her sleeves. "No...Dipper, it's a limo!"

And indeed it was. A black sleek limo, that seemed to stretch the length of three normal cars. It slowed down before coming to a complete stop directly in front of the twins. The surface seemed immaculate, no scratches in sight.

After a second, the driver's door swung open and a man clambered out. He was tall, somewhat chubby, dressed in a chauffeur's uniform. Once he stepped towards the headlights, Dipper felt he looked like a man-child playing dress-up. The man stared at the twins, before shooting a toothy grin and approaching the both of them.

"Are you dudes Mabel and Dipper Pines?" He inquired, looming over them.

"...are you our great-uncle?" Dipper couldn't keep his eyes from going wide.

"You don't look very square-shaped," Mabel added.

"Oh! No, both Mr. Pines are still at the Shack. They, like, forgot you or something. It's been a big business day!" The man still remained undeniably happy, his smile never leaving his face even as Dipper began to glower. Immediately being forgotten about made for a not-so-good impression. "Name's Soos! Handyman, chauffeur, cook, basically anything Mr. Pines wants me to be."

"So you're not our great-uncle." Mabel made the fact sound like the let-down of the century. "Poo."

"So whatever. We'll meet them eventually." Dipper turned purposefully towards Soos. "I mean, I dunno about you, but leaving two kids out in the cold and dark is kinda endangerment, ain't it?"

"Oh, yeah, definitely." Soos shrugged his shoulders before scooping up the twins' duffels, heading for the limo. "Don't worry, the limo's got seat-warmers!"

Dipper grasped Mabel's hand, the twins leaving the bench and heading towards the still running limo. As Soos tossed their duffels in the trunk, Mabel admired her reflection on the limo's shiny surface. She reached out a hand, running it down the side and nodding in amazement. "Dipper, I want a limo for our birthday!"

"Good luck with that." Dipper caught his own reflection in the surface, reaching up to adjust his hat, a dark blue beanie with the faint stitch of a pine tree on the side. Looking at himself, he felt like it was the only routine thing he recognized. Dressed in his typical attire of an orange shirt, the blue vest his father had gotten him from some inattentive tourist, gray shorts he'd only bought the beginning of summer. Mabel was grinning right beside him, her pink sweater practically glowing in the darkness, the star emblem smack in the middle of her chest.

Soos reached their side, opening the door and ushering them in. Mabel gasped, and Dipper watched in bewilderment as they climbed inside.

The limo was utterly luxurious. Red plush seats stretched on, the end seeming to be miles away. Dipper hastily placed himself on the closest seat and Mabel happily plopped herself beside him as Soos shut the door.

Small bright lights lined the ceiling, washing the interior with blue and white hues. Turning to his right, Dipper found a small cooler filled with ice, sodas and beers stuffed into the compartment. Above the cooler was a locked oak-wood cabinet, nearly glossy in the light, with intricate handles. Dipper gave them an experimental tug with no success. Underneath the twins' feet was a plush rug with swirling patterns, a few resembling what looked to be pine trees.

"This is so amazing!" Mabel gushed, peering up at the lights that seemed to twinkle like stars. "Dipper, I think our Grunkles are rich!"

"Grunkle?" Dipper took two sodas from the cooler, shaking off the ice and offering one to his sister. She nodded and accepted it, cracking the tab. "Yeah! Great-uncle, but Grunkle. See, I made it up like the genius I am!"

"Truly." Dipper took a sip, the cola swishing in his mouth before he swallowed. He would've been just as amazed as Mabel was, feeling like they were receiving treatment reserved for kings and presidents and super rich people, if he didn't feel so suspicious.

And annoyed that they'd been forgotten. Their Grunkles weren't going to care about them. Dipper was still weighing the situation, wondering if that was a good thing or not. Less attention meant more opportunities to think of a plan.

He didn't want to stay with forgetful Grunkles for fifteen years, beautiful limo or not.

"My butt is sufficiently warmed!" Mabel declared, pulling Dipper from his thoughts. She turned behind her, hooking her fingers into a noticeable slot in the wall before suddenly pulling up a cover, revealing a pristine window. The trees flew by in a black and green blur, the only illumination coming from the headlights. The road whizzed past, no other cars in sight. Dipper hadn't even realized the limo had begun to move, barely registering the sound of the wheels against the rough dirt road.

The ride went by smoothly, the limo driving uphill. Mabel was asleep within minutes, soda can still in her lap. Dipper promptly retrieved the can, placing their drinks back in the cooler before standing. It wasn't a difficult feat, compared to the rough bumping and jostling the bus had given him.

Now he had the opportunity to explore the limo a bit.

Dipper was always one for curiosity. He could still recall his father's fond words about it, his mother's constant motherhenning, the talk about how they needed dozens and dozens of baby locks and precautions when the twins were toddlers. Mabel was naturally curious as well, and committed when she wanted to be, but her interest wandered. Dipper was fiercely committed, wanting to know every single detail, and willing to dig through just about everything. It killed him when his parents pulled schemes he couldn't hear anything about.

So it was instinct for him to want to explore the limo. To seek out emergency exits, possibly come across secret crannies, maybe find a quarter or two. With most of Dipper's investigations, there was a reward to some degree.

He carefully walked to the back of the limo, trailing his hands across the seats, lifting a few to see if any of them had a secret compartment underneath. There seemed to be nothing, so he entertained himself with the lights, inspecting them for a bit before sticking a hand out underneath as he walked, watching the pattern on his skin alternate between white and blue.

Once he reached the back of the limo, his suspicions in the beginning were correct. The place was truly pristine, not even a speck of dust in sight. This car had to be somebody's pride and joy for it to be virtually untouched. He glanced at Mabel, curled up in her seat, looking so small from the distance he was at.

He began to return to her, letting his fingers bump over the chairs again. The limo was big, but it didn't have much to offer. No secrets, no compartments, besides...His pace slowed, his eyes soon falling on the cabinet above the cooler he'd seen the minute he'd entered.

His hands traced over the wood, coming to a stop near the brass keyhole. His father would've been able to pick that lock in an instant. Dipper could never quite grasp the lock-picking talent...something Mabel seemed better at...but he could hot-wire a car like nobody's business.

Dipper studied the lock anyway, slowly wondering if morality would lose this battle. The urge to know what was inside was strong. It was the only secret to this godforsaken vehicle, besides the odd not-a-Grunkle chauffeur it came with.

Of course, neither twin had any lock-picking tools on hand or even buried in their duffels. The officials had been a stickler about what they could and could not bring. Police had searched the house, taken their parents' tools and papers and stashes of loot. So much as a paperclip was confiscated from the kids. Dipper knew even then that some of those Suits had the suspicion the twins knew more than they let on.

But the lock didn't seem very complicated. If anything, it reminded Dipper of a house door lock. The limo could probably be locked down like a bomb shelter, this cheap lock was nothing but a precaution. Perhaps a barrier for nosy children like himself.

The boy twin dug a hand into his pocket, fingers brushing past dollar bills, pieces of lint, an old receipt, before closing over a card. He pulled it out, the old credit card long expired, nothing but a toy for his and Mabel's games. Their parents had seemed fond of dropping unneeded items for the twins' to use, and use they did.

With a swift movement, he slid the card between the slot of the cabinet door, directly near the lock, before sharply pulling down. There was a quick, almost melodic click, and Dipper grasped the handle and pulled.

The door swung open instantly and Dipper smiled triumphantly, muttering a quiet "ah-hah!" under his breath. The lights above glistened in his view, reflecting off glass as Dipper reached in and pulled out a liquor bottle.

Typical.

The boy twin rolled his eyes, stuffing it back in. He had no use for alcohol. His parents hardly ever drank anything but wine, and Mabel hated the smell of the stuff anyway. He instead moved his attention to a pair of glistening objects, reaching both hands in to bring them into the light.

He pulled out two shot glasses, crystalline glass and as clean as the limo. The fronts were engraved with different symbols, Dipper's brow furrowing at the sight. One looked almost like a fish, with a dot hovering next to its open mouth. Pacman, Dipper connected. The other one had only a hand on its surface...with six fingers, Dipper found.

So his Grunkles liked to be cryptic. No matter. Dipper was yet to come across a puzzle he couldn't solve anyway.

The shot glasses were shoved deep into his pockets before he hastily shut the cabinet. He scrubbed at the handle with his shirt, before moving back to his seat in a single fluid motion. His face was void of emotion, the "true poker face" his father called it, just as the limo noticeably jarred.

Mabel jerked awake at the motion, scowling at her rude awakening. She blinked sleepily at her brother, none the wiser about his theft. "...are we there yet?"

"I think so." The boy twin turned in his seat, lifting up his own window blind, straining to see forward. "...yeah."

The limo was approachng what looked to be a wrought-iron gate, black and menacing in the darkness. He half-expected a crack of lightning for the dramatic effect. It wrapped around the entire property, and he squinted at the darkness, but there didn't appear to be an end in sight.

"Think that fence is climbable?" Mabel inquired thoughtfully.

"Nope." Dipper pointed out the sharp spikes jutting up towards the sky.

Mabel followed his gaze as the limo slowed, coming to a stop inches from the gate doors. After a minute, they slowly creaked open, moving inwards and allowing the vehicle onto a paved road. Security cameras perched on the edges followed them as the gate shut, and Dipper glared through the tinted window.

They followed a winding path, no longer driving straight. Dipper quirked an eyebrow as he caught what looked to be marked areas off the path. What was a "Bottomless Pit?" Some kind of rock that looked like a face. Objects and trinkets and creations that looked like nothing but...attractions at some type of outdoor museum, all placed strategically like an introduction to a tour. Dipper was surprised there weren't grand topiaries to really seal the deal.

Soon, the building came into view.

A huge log cabin uphill, its lights a glowing beacon in the growing darkness. A twinkling sign marked it as the "Mystery Shack." It almost seemed entirely unfitting with the limo, but it definitely blended with the hidden-in-the-woods theme. The lawn was pristine, roads veering off to a lone parking lot to the side. Buses were parked within, and Dipper felt his jaw drop upon recognizing the very bus they arrived to the town with sitting amongst them.

"Do our Grunkles run...a tourist trap?!" Mabel was just as bewildered as her twin. Dipper couldn't find his voice to respond.

The limo pulled into a separate garage beside the house, cutting the twins off from the view. There was darkness outside the window, before bright light flooded in and the twins quickly slammed the blinds down.

Soos opened the door, the twins' duffels on separate shoulders. He grinned widely at them, cap sitting somewhat lopsided on his head, and he almost looked expectant. "So did you dudes like the view? The place looks great when it gets dark! Kinda spooky...but that's why Mr. Pines ordered all the lights!"

"A tourist trap..." Dipper hesitantly slid off his seat, Mabel clutching his arm as the two ducked out of the limo. "They run a tourist trap?!"

"Well..." Soos trailed off, his smile faltering a bit as he stepped aside, letting the twins stand beside him. He glanced at the both of them before his enthusiasm returned. "They kinda do more than that! Like, uh, tours! And inventions! Mr. Pines almost made a flying car the other day...he, ah, failed, but it was neat!"

Blank stares. Before Mabel blinked and cleared her throat. "That's, uh... _two_ Mr. Pines. Right?"

"Yup!" Soos kicked the limo door closed before puffing out his chest, as if facing the opportunity for a grand adventure. "Let's get you to your rooms!"

They headed towards the garage's exit, Dipper's gaze sweeping across the junk laying all over the floor. Stacks of tires lined the walls, tools were placed on any feasible surface, and the place smelled like oil and rubber. He was glad to be out of the building, the cool night air brushing past his face.

The smell was replaced by the aroma of pine, the trees looming over the trio as they walked across empty lawn towards the Shack. Mabel tilted her head up, as far as it could go to stare at the top of one of the trees, and she almost fell back, nearly taking Dipper with her. She steadied herself, stooping her head by her brother's ear. "Bro, these trees are _huge."_

"And not climbable," Dipper pressed, sending her a side-eyed look. Mabel was always the one to explore physically.

"I'm not gonna climb those!" Mabel nearly squawked. "I'm not asking for a _death wish._ I cross the line when it comes to that!"

"But not three-story roofs."

"That was _one_ time."

The twins hushed, as Soos led them to the front door of the Shack. With the buses and brilliant lit sign out of view, they could almost envision simply coming to an old log cabin in the middle of the forest. Bear skin rug by the fireplace, plaid everywhere, a deer's head mounted on the wall, and two mysterious uncles waiting for them by the doorway, ready to greet them. Dipper could see it. That stereotypical log-cabin life. Maybe they could be hunters. Or lumberjacks. Or even-

"Here we are, dudes!" Soos threw open the door, and Dipper's eyes widened.

The house was definitely not what he'd predicted.

The place barely seemed rugged. The foyer held a silk-red carpet lined with golden thread on sleek wooden floors, seemingly void of any scratches. A set of wooden stairs was to their right, with a carved banister and sloping ivy down the rail. A chandelier hung over their heads. To their left was the kitchen, too dark to see within, but Dipper could catch the faintest glimmer of shining clean linoleum.

The twins slowly walked in, entranced, hands linked as if letting go would cause them to collapse in shock. Mabel's mouth was wide, and she tentatively reached out to touch an intricate coat hanger by the door. Dipper scuffed at the wooden floor with his shoe, surprised to find it didn't have any marks at all, almost holding a slippery feel.

"There's the kitchen!" Soos gestured to the empty room before turning to a hallway to his right. "Over there, you'll find the Mr. Pines' rooms, the bathroom, and a couple of other lil' rooms. The ballroom is off limits right now. And I don't think I oughta worry about Mr. Pines' rooms, they're locked up tight!" Soos bumbled forward, with a cry of "and here's the living room!" as the twins exchanged glances before following.

The living room felt huge in comparison to the foyer. A flat-screen TV was mounted on the wall, directly across from a plush yellow armchair. Tasteful knick-knacks lined the walls, and there was another silk rug laid out on the floor. A beautiful glistening fish tank was pushed against the wall, a happy axolotl swimming about within. A poker table sat in an alcove to the side, its gold edges gleaming. Candles on the wall sent flickers across the white textured wallpaper with golden accents, yet the place still seemed completely brightened. Dipper stared at the flames, before realizing they were surely fake. Modifications, he guessed.

Soos gestured to a door nearby, the slightest rumble of noises beyond it. "And here's the door to the gift shop! That's...off limits right now."

"Why? Afraid we'll take something?" Dipper was barely fazed by Mabel's nudge to his side.

"Nah, Mr. Pines is just worried you'll, like. Break something. He hates replacing broken stuff. Or rather telling me to replace broken stuff." Soos placed a hand on his chin as if in contemplation.

Dipper peered at the door, wondering what more glorious environment was inside, before Mabel suddenly shrieked, her hand slapping out for his shoulder. She missed completely, instead ramming a fist into his chest. Dipper broke out into a coughing fit, barely able to stay on his feet as Mabel screamed and pointed at something mounted on the wall behind the armchair.

"Dipper!" She shrieked. "Dipper, they're _twins!"_

The coughing ceased, and Dipper spun around to follow his sister's finger.

Indeed. Above the arm chair was a portait, outlined with a magnificent golden frame. Dipper was startled by appearance of his uncles...something that was _true,_ not spun with imagination and vague details told by Flamingo-Man.

Two identical men stood side by side, staring at the camera, donned in matching suits with not a single thread out of place. Their hands were behind their backs, shoulders lifted, head held high in a dignified position. _Like a true Pines,_ Dipper almost recited, recalling his mother's constant fussing over posture and appearance and combing of the hair. He and Mabel had never been one for keeping appearances. But these men looked like they had kept that pose for years upon years, as if practicing their whole lives for that very portrait.

Their stature and faces were seemingly the same, Dipper pinpointing small differences between them. A cleft chin on the right one, a five o' clock shadow on the left one, different-colored bowties on their collars, but that was all he could distinguish. The right one's face was emotionless, eyes boring into the boy, and Dipper nearly shivered at the raw feeling of power and authority behind it. The left one held more of a hypnotizing gaze, the slightest of smirks playing on his lips.

"Stanley and Stanford Pines?" Mabel pointed to the plaque at the bottom of the frame. "Is that a typo?"

"Oh, no! Both Mr. Pines' paid a fortune for this!" Soos declared, reaching into his pocket and retrieving a handkerchief. He dabbed at his forehead, as if simply viewing the thing was nerve-wracking. "Yeah, they wouldn't allow, like, any mistake or accident on it. Whenever Mr. Pines gives tours through the house itself, he has me stand guard by it! It's way too expensive to replace, he nearly had a fit paying for it, but it's tradition."

"Tradition for weird plaques?" Mabel remarked.

"Nope! Tradition for portraits! All the twins in your family's generation has one." Soos nodded, and Mabel only seemed puzzled, more at the lack of clarification for names. "Do you dudes have one?"

"Sorry. Our parents are currently in prison," Dipper deadpanned, and he could see the panicked expression sweeping across the handyman's face before Soos curtly nodded. "Uh, yeah, yeah, sorry, dude." He gave a final dab to his forehead before tucking the handkerchief away.

"Sooo where are our Grunkles?" Mabel glanced around the living room, otherwise empty. "Aren't they gonna...say hi?"

"Mr. Pines is giving tours right now. And the other Mr. Pines is probably in his lab," Soos informed, instead heading for the steps. "You can probably say hi in the morning. Here, let's get you to your rooms. It's getting way late, and Mr. Pines will kill me if I don't properly place your guys."

"Properly place us?" Dipper took Mabel's hand and led her away, turning his back on the creepy portrait. He was happy to have any distance between them at all.

"Yup! That way he'd know where you are. Your uncles will probably greet you in the morning." The steps creaked under Soos' footfalls, but were otherwise silent under the twins' feet. "Yeah...unless we get a morning crowd. Which is also likely...ah, you'll see 'em eventually!"

Mabel's grip on Dipper's hand tightened as they rose to the level of the attic. Unlike the pristine condition of the rooms below, the beautiful decor and accents were absent. The place was dusty, forgotten and unimportant in their uncles' eyes it appeared. Soos opened a door, kicking it a bit to get it fully wide, and he threw an arm out with a flourish. "Ta-da! Here's your room! I spiffed it up for you two dudes!"

Dipper glanced at the handyman, wondering why his _uncles_ hadn't prepared for their arrival. The twins entered, taken aback by the fully rugged room before them. There were two beds, one more of a cot with a mattress than anything. There sat a desk between them, half-painted, with a huge triangular window above it, providing a clear view of the yard and allowing in the bright light from the sign. The white rays spilled out, crossing dusty banisters, a sheet-covered object, the splintered planks underfoot. The place felt like a pigsty in comparision to the rooms fit for royalty downstairs.

Dipper hesitantly approached the window, finding the panes clean and spotless, but dust was still collected at the windowsill. Two white pillows sat on either bed, with a little mint on top. Mabel promptly unwrapped hers and popped it in her mouth as Dipper inspected the books on the desk, before poking at the lamp. He lost interest when he found the light bulb was actually a potato.

He looked over his shoulder at the expectant handyman, forcing a smile. "...it's great."

"Awesome! I'll tell Mr. Pines the two of you love it!" Soos dumped the duffels on their beds, standing stock-still by the door with a goofy smile on his face. The twins exchanged glances after an awkward moment passed and Dipper hastily cleared his throat. "Um...you are...dismissed?"

Soos blinked, before stiffening and letting loose a laugh, slapping his forehead. "Oh! Sorry about that! I'm used to serving the Pines, ya know..." He paused, tilting his head a bit as if studying the two. "Although technically, the two of you are Pines...so I guess it can be applied. See you two later!" He shot the two of them a crisp salute before slipping out the door, letting it slam behind him.

"...well." Dipper's voice was sharp in the silence that followed. "We sure got a deal, didn't we?"

"Aw, it's not _that_ bad." Mabel jumped atop her bed, laying out flat and studying the mysteriously-shaped stains on the roof. "It's not exactly five-star hotel, but I like it! It's...cozy."

"It's unfair," Dipper bitterly added before sinking into the other bed, now claimed as his. "I thought we'd get a bedroom."

"This _is_ a bedroom."

"No, it's not. It's a storage space our uncles shoved beds into and ordered their handyman to make it _look_ like a bedroom." Dipper splayed out on the bed, wrinkling his nose at the musty smell. "...this is weird. Our uncles obviously _wanted_ us with them...otherwise we'd be dumped at some orphanage by now."

"They coulda done it for publicity," Mabel pointed out solemnly. "I heard Flamingo-Man say it once. How...how Mom and Dad oughta be careful, because we're the 'children in a sob story' and can be used for sympathy and junk." She exhaled deeply, shifting to her side to face her brother. "This stinks."

"Smells kinda like goat." Dipper sniffed at the air before turning to face his sister. The two stared at one another in silence. They were unsure what to do with this time. Exploring the place was an option. Finding their uncles and demanding a greeting was risky. Crying...they'd already done that far before the decision.

"...what are we gonna do, Dipper?" Mabel whispered, her tone sounding broken and helpless. She curled into herself, tucking her legs into her sweater, her eyes becoming misty at the thought of their parents. "I don't like it here. It's nice and all, but it smells weird and feels weird and...and our uncles don't even love us."

"That's not true." The words felt false even in Dipper's mouth, and he paused. "...they'll tolerate us. So long as we have each other. Right?"

"I guess. Yeah." Mabel wiped at her eyes, still looking crestfallen.

"...And I have a plan." Dipper lifted himself into a sitting position after a beat of silence, as if having waited for dramatic effect. He smiled upon the glee that instantly flashed across his twin's face, and she sat up immediately. "Really?! Already?"

"You doubted me?" Dipper feigned hurt, putting a hand on his chest as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed.

"Nope! I never doubt you and your plans, bro-bro." Mabel followed the action, the common occurence when they were stuck in the heat of something: mimicking each other's moves. "I just didn't think you'd make one so quickly!"

"We don't like it here," Dipper continued. "That's certain."

"Nuh-uh!"

"And there's only one way to get out. Well...two, but an orphanage isn't favorable." Dipper's eyes flashed with mischief, a smile creeping onto his face. "We're getting our parents outta jail."

"But..." Mabel didn't immediately looked disappointed, but her expression did falter. "...how are we gonna do that, Dip? Blackmail?"

"No, we don't have that."

"Another lawyer?"

"What if we get another Flamingo-Man?"

"Wrecking ball!"

"Not tasteful."

Mabel stopped for a second, a finger on her chin. "Money? Bribing? Because I think our uncles are loaded and if we're stealing..."

"That's too risky." Dipper waved a hand as if batting the idea away. "No...we gotta collect evidence!"

"Oh." Mabel didn't look as excited by the prospect. "Evidence...evidence for Mom and Dad?"

"No. Against our uncles who _obviously_ don't care about us." Dipper swept his hands out across the room. "Exhibit A! Dusty and smelly attic!"

Mabel's eyes widened as she looked around the room, as if it hadn't even occurred to her.

"There's so much more evidence we can collect!" Dipper insisted, clapping his hands together. "We gotta...drive the point home, pull all the stops, fire on all cylinders now!" Dipper wasn't entirely sure what nonsense he was spouting, but the words were rolling off his tongue, and Mabel looked delighted. "You and I are great at liberating things. We'll find evidence in no time, prove Mom and Dad deserve to be let outta jail over our no-good uncles!"

"And we can see them again! Mom and Dad, we can see them again!" Mabel jumped to her feet, tears gathering in her eyes, but now out of joy. She nearly squealed, barely catching herself, before softly whispering, "You really think it'll work?"

"...We've got nothing else," Dipper said, glancing out the window, at the wooden expanse beyond. Those stupid trees swayed in the wind, cast with moonlight. He was already sick of the view. "And it's the best professional way, I think. But for now, that's our goal, ok?" He held out a hand, palm facing towards the floor, shadowed by brilliant show lights and silver moonlight and he figured whatever rays that potato could muster. "Operation Free Our Parents."

"Operation Free Our Parents!" Mabel slapped her hand over his.

The two rose their arms over their head with a cheer, their voices ringing out in the silence of the forest.

 **End Chapter 1**


End file.
